I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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