He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize