I must be too annoying 4 u.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize