and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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