This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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