Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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