Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize