i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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