And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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