he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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