can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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