she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize