Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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