no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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