do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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