Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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