She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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