You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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