You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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