haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize