twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize