what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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