Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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