i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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