btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize