peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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