I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize