Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize