Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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