Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
