I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize