She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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