Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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