I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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