Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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