im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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