i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize