I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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