I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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