BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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