Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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