Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize