i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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