I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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