I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize