Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is Oprah even human
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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