good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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