Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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