her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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