The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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