You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize