ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm really busy with my period
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