I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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