I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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